The Test

For the past six months, Paul & I have been trying to get pregnant. I was almost convinced that I was impregnable (is that even a word?). However, this month I decided to practice positive thinking. I even subscribed to the 3-D pregnancy page, so I could watch what happened as the Belchigator was conceived.

Around Thursday of last week I had a sneaking suspicion, but I've had a sneaking suspicion every month, so I couldn't be certain.

My period was due yesterday, and it usually early rather than late. I had nothing - no spotting, no PMS... and my boobs, rather, my nipples, hurt so bad, I thought I might cry. So after my friend poured me that second glass of wine last night, I thought "I think I should probably pee on a stick..."

Which I did at 5:30 this morning, as my bladder was so full because I drank about two gallons of water last night to dilute the 6 ounces of wine.

I have never seen a pregnancy test react so quickly. It was almost instantaneous, and had I not been peeing already, I would have pissed myself. I was so excited, I brought the test into the bedroom, dripping with pregnancy hormone laden pee into the bedroom, woke up my husband and said "Baby, you're a champ!"

I hadn't thought much on how I was going to break the news to my husband. I had already convinced myself that I wasn't going to get pregnant and earlier this month, found myself paging through the DHS foster parent newsletter searching for future kin. So it wasn't fun and romantic, with a little bow tied around the pee stick stuck in a baby bottle. Come to think of it, I'm glad I did it my way, the other way is a little disturbing to me.

While I was excited and happy, I was still a little freaked out. I suddenly realized that I have to get my shit together -- and quick! Our second bedroom is a mess. I will never get it organized after the baby arrives. I have lots of projects to finish, I have a sweater to knit, soap to make, and a garden to create and tend... and then there's my hike of the Oregon Coast in June. I might not be able to hike the entire thing. Oh well, I guess those are the compromises you make for your children. The Belchigator owes me already and he or she is barely the size of a grain of rice.

I've been officially pregnant for 15 hours. My legs are still a little shaky, and I'm pretty excited and happy and giddy. But I just can't stop thinking about labor & delivery. I am freaked out about that. The barfing, swollen legs, random strangers rubbing my belly, the screaming kid, possible bad grades, teenage rebellion, dropping out of college doesn't really scare me. It's labor & delivery. FUCK.

Well, that and swallowing down the nasty giant horse-sized prenatal vitamins that my naturopath gave me six months ago...

Tomorrow I make my appointment for my first exam. I have no idea what I'm supposed to do, or who I'm supposed to call. I'm going to make an appointment with a midwife that has an office in the same area as my naturopath. At least, that's who I'm going to call, and I'm going to ask the people over there what I'm supposed to do, because even though I've been working toward this goal for six months, I have no freaking idea what I'm doing, or what I'm supposed to do. This will certainly be an exciting adventure.