Your children won't scream and cry and make a big fuss in public.
Your children will go to bed without whining.
Your children won't watch TV or play with electronics.
Your children won't eat fast food.
You won't ever say or do anything that your mother did when you were growing up.
You'll never threaten to pull the car over, and you most definitely won't have to make good on that threat.
As you gain experience as a parent, you come to realize that you never say never. Ever. Even when you see photos of toddlers drawing all over their baby brothers with Sharpie. (But you just know, deep down inside, that your toddler will never find your Sharpie hiding spot).
And even after you discover what you think is the last possible place a three year old could possibly find to mark with a Sharpie, you still laugh at the photos on the internet of things children write or draw, and you still think that you are immune.
Well, you're not. It will happen to you. I promise.
I thought I was immune to it. I thought "There is just no way that this could happen." Sure, L drawing his imaginary friends all over his walls is one thing. But this is something completely different.
This is something my angelic six year old did.
This is something my husband can't even look at.
This is something that I didn't see at first because my eyes wouldn't let me see it.
This is something that made me lose my breath.
This is something that made me simultaneously cry and wet my pants.
This is a Gumball Machine.