So, last Monday, I was gung ho and sure that L would potty train in three days. After all, he was staying dry for up to four hours at a time (and through the night), peeing on command, and recognizing when he peed or pooped in his diaper. These were all the things that E was doing prior to PTBC, and since it took her three days, it surely would take him the same amount of time.
I didn't factor in two variables:
1. My children are completely different; and
2. My time and attention/availability for potty training is much more limited.
Let's start with variable 1. E is a thinker. She often won't try anything until she's sure she can do it. She will then do things over and over and over again until they are mastered. The girl didn't crawl until she was 8 months old, and spent three months prior to that perch on all fours, just contemplating the idea. When she took her first step, she crawled back to where she started and took another. And then another. Same thing with climbing stairs, swimming, riding her bike, and reading. The girl likes to drill herself.
L is the opposite. The boy hurls himself through time and space without any thought. He started crawling at 5 months, doing this strange, gimpy-type crawl that was a half-sit, half crawl. Whatever got him across the room, it didn't matter if the form was right. He continues to trip and fall whenever he walks, runs or climb stairs. I stopped counting the number of goose eggs he's gotten on his forehead from walking into walls and door jambs. He jumps in the pool with complete disregard of the fact that someone needs to catch him, and on his second birthday, he ripped his upper lip tie on the play structure trying to climb something that was beyond his current ability.
The second variable is something that occurred to me on day four, when L obviously had enough with peeing on the potty, and I had obviously had enough with him peeing on the floor.
The first day wasn't so bad -- we went through 9 pairs of underpants, and L was generally cheerful about cleaning up the mess. Days two & three were about the same, with less accidents because I had stopped offering unlimited amounts of milk. However, he did not have an increase in initiating potty trips, which I found to be perplexing and frustrating. By day four, he was beginning to get adamant about not sitting on the potty, and on day five, he had a 20 minute temper tantrum when I asked him to sit on it.
A friend of mine mentioned that he could always wear pull-ups for the first couple months to school. The very idea made this earthy-crunchy-cloth-diapering mommy's head nearly explode. PERISH THE THOUGHT! I just couldn't bear the thought, and began thinking up ways I could fashion my gDiapers into training pants and then sell them my idea for a million dollars and a sweet "You're Welcome!" But the next day was Saturday, and Paul was home, so he could be the level-headed person to talk me down from the ledge and help L on his way.
After we came to the conclusion that L's thought process is much different than E's, I started thinking about what other things were different this time around. I thought that I had fixed the variable of us not being home to potty train, but I didn't realize that it was more than just that. It was the amount of time I had to really spend with L, playing with him, commenting "Ooops! You are going pee pee! Let's get to the bathroom and clean up!" and generally just being there with him in the moment. In all the moments. Instead, I was halfway there. Sure I was around during the day, but so was E, and we weren't 100% focused on the potty, the signs ("Hey, I see you're holding your penis, do you think you might need to go potty?"), or him. And because of this, I wasn't able to stay positive. You can't teach a kid to read or swim by screaming at them and getting frustrated each time they make a mistake. Same thing holds true with potty training.
So instead of losing my mind and thinking that we would never get this potty training thing done, and would have to pull L out of Amiguitos due to lack of potty skills, I took a deep breath, told myself that he wouldn't be in diapers in college, and kept on with what we were doing, but without the anger, annoyance or frustration. I made sure to stop L in the middle of what he was doing, look him in the eye to know that he actually was listening to me (because he may hear my voice, but that doesn't mean it sinks in), and I explained to him why I think he should at least try to get some pee pee out. The first couple of times were met with resistance, but after a while, he became my agreeable little guy again, and was proud of himself every time he peed in the toilet.
On Saturday, we spent most of the day out of the house. We had to pick up our packets for the Bridge Pedal in downtown Portland. We rode the Max, picked up our packets, walked through the health expo, and used a public restroom with success. On the way back, Paul suggested we stop at the zoo, since we have a membership, and we were at the stop, so we did. Again, lots of walking, lots of fun, a couple public restroom successes, and soon we were home eating dinner with the same dry pants that we had left the house in. Woo hoo!! And then during dinner, do you know what happened? L got stressed out and started whining. I asked him what was wrong.
"I need to go potty!" he yelled while grabbing his crotch.
"OK, hold it, we'll go right now," I said while carrying him and running to the bathroom.
And do you know what? He did. He held it, and then peed in the toilet. It was something I was expecting on Wednesday that never happened. And when I finally accepted the fact that it would take longer for him and that was A-OK, he did it.
"I go pee pee in toilet, Mommy!" He said, "I proud me-self!"
And you should be, sweetie, because this is quite an accomplishment!
On Sunday, we rode in the Bridge Pedal and spent the entire day out of the house in downtown Portland. I didn't expect him to tell me if or when he needed to go, so I simply reminded him every few hours to give it a try. He did, stayed dry, and that was great.
Today, he has initiated every potty trip, including one right before falling asleep for nap, even though he had his "nap-time" diaper on.
Dude, you rock in so many ways, and should be so proud of yourself. Against so many odds (not the least of which is a mommy who keeps trying to apply things that worked for your sister to your unique self), you have been able to figure this out and get it done. And because of this, you get to go to Spanish school in the fall, something you've wanted to do since your sister started.
As for me, I see the light at the end of the diaper tunnel, and every day, I'm even more certain that it isn't a train.
Monday, August 12, 2013
Monday, August 5, 2013
Potty Training Boot Camp, Take Two
Today we begin boot camp again. L has been successfully peeing on the potty (and sometimes pooping) since our terrible failure in June. This morning as I was in the shower, he walked into the bathroom with no pants on, diaper in hand, telling me he had to go potty. I was surprised that the bed wasn't wet, and fairly certain that we would find success this time around.
I got a digital SLR for my birthday yesterday, so I'll be documenting this like a crazy woman. I'm sure my husband wasn't thinking my first subject would be still life with underpants, or random puddles of pee on the floor, but it's good material to get used to the camera.
I started the morning, by stacking up all 18 pairs of underpants on the back of the toilet. I hope we don't go through them all, but you never know with this one.
I then gave him unlimited access to milk, which pleased him.
Within 30 minutes, we had our first accident, followed by a successful poop on the toilet. I'll spare you that photo, but I did take one.
L happily changed his clothes, and cleaned up the mess.
He even put the wet diaper in the washing machine for me.
Apparently, he wasn't finished, since this happened immediately after...
But once again, he changed his clothes without fuss...
...and cleaned up the mess.
It's about 11:30am now. He's had a couple more accidents, and we had a melt-down in the bathroom over putting on new underpants. I thought all was lost, then I realized he must be hungry. At the mere mention of food, he happily put on his underpants and cleaned up the puddle by the couch. I plan on stopping the unlimited milk after this snack, since E will be home from camp in a couple hours and I don't think I'll be able to keep him out of the carpeted areas once that happens.
I got a digital SLR for my birthday yesterday, so I'll be documenting this like a crazy woman. I'm sure my husband wasn't thinking my first subject would be still life with underpants, or random puddles of pee on the floor, but it's good material to get used to the camera.
I started the morning, by stacking up all 18 pairs of underpants on the back of the toilet. I hope we don't go through them all, but you never know with this one.
I then gave him unlimited access to milk, which pleased him.
Within 30 minutes, we had our first accident, followed by a successful poop on the toilet. I'll spare you that photo, but I did take one.
L happily changed his clothes, and cleaned up the mess.
He even put the wet diaper in the washing machine for me.
Apparently, he wasn't finished, since this happened immediately after...
But once again, he changed his clothes without fuss...
...and cleaned up the mess.
It's about 11:30am now. He's had a couple more accidents, and we had a melt-down in the bathroom over putting on new underpants. I thought all was lost, then I realized he must be hungry. At the mere mention of food, he happily put on his underpants and cleaned up the puddle by the couch. I plan on stopping the unlimited milk after this snack, since E will be home from camp in a couple hours and I don't think I'll be able to keep him out of the carpeted areas once that happens.
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
PTBC Fail
The last day of school was last Wednesday. We're off until our summer session begins on July 8th. I was hell bent on potty training L because he's registered for preschool in the fall and must be potty trained by then. And not just potty trained, but able to use the bathroom completely independently. Since he's nearly 26 months, and E potty trained at 26 months, I figured this would be no problem. When he's in his swim diaper, he holds his pee and tells me when he needs to go, so I decided that Thursday morning, we would begin with Potty Training Boot Camp. Yay!!
When E started boot camp, I had been working part-time, and she'd had a ton of experience using the potty while in diapers. She could go an entire day without wetting a diaper. Our nanny was awesome, and continued the instruction while I was at work, so that by the time we ditched the diapers, she needed only one day of accidents for things to click. She already pooped in the potty independently, so for her, it was a breeze.
With L, I've been working full time for the past year. He gets time on the toilet about 50% of the time when he wakes up dry, and whenever he asks while he's wearing his swim diapers. He stays dry for hours at a time, so he's ready to learn. He is not, however, ready for boot camp. I learned this the painfully hard way.
On day one, we went through 9 changes of clothes, and had two poops, which made me consider tossing his underwear. Thank goodness we have a diaper sprayer.
On day two, we had to leave the house because of E's activities. I reminded him continuously to use the potty, and he was extremely successful. Once we got home, there was more pee and poop, and he had stopped telling me.
On day three, we went to the farmer's market, where there was an accident immediately after we went potty and he didn't perform, and then poop immediately after that. I was not prepared, having forgotten to pack a plastic bag, so we left with two screaming kids (because E didn't want to go home yet), and a very frustrated mama. Paul reminded me that L is not E, and I probably needed to step back and re-evaluate the situation.
On Sunday, we had a couple accidents and a couple successes, and while I didn't want to go back to diapers, I had to finally come to grips with the fact that I was pushing him too quickly and setting him up to fail. So....
On Monday, we went back to diapers. We're going back to the part that I inadvertently skipped, because I saw some signs of readiness, and I felt the pressure to get it done ASAP. I wanted him potty trained by the time I go back to work in July, so we could work on the independence part during my second break in August. However, throwing him into undies like this was putting pressure on him, and he was having trouble getting the pee out, even when his bladder was full. The accident at the farmer's market wasn't because he didn't try. He sat on the toilet, pushing, grunting and trying, but nothing came out. He was so tense and trying too hard. The moment he relaxed, everything flowed.
Now, there's no pressure, no clothes to clean up, no floors to wipe down. Now, I ask him if he needs to go potty, or I tell him we should because we're getting in the car. Now, he goes potty with no trouble, and keeps his diaper dry most of the day. On Monday, he asked to wear undies, and I allowed it. Then he pooped in them. Twice. [palm of hand to forehead] Now he wears undies OVER the diaper, at least for a little while. Until he's really ready.
He gets excited when he's successful, and when his diaper is wet, it's no big deal. That's not the goal right now. The goal is to be successful and feel no pressure to perform and screw up that sweet little developing brain too much. There will be plenty of time to screw that up, and as long as he has good insurance, the therapy bills won't kill him.
Do I still feel pressure to get him potty trained? Oh, yes. I want to get him in undies tomorrow. But I have to wait. While I want to try again next week, I know that's too soon. I really should wait until July. It's going to be difficult, but I need success. He needs to be successful, and we both need to distance ourselves from this episode. Plus, our dryer is broken and it looks like it's going to rain for the next two days, so laundry is out of the question.
The biggest lesson to be learned from this is that even seasoned moms, and moms who have potty trained tons of kids (because that's pretty much 1/2 of my job -- and they have special needs), still make mistakes. In my opinion, it's the seasoned moms like me who make the biggest ones because we are so damn sure of ourselves. Sometimes it takes a couple shit-filled boxer briefs to wipe that smug smile off my face and put me back in my place. Thanks, kid. I needed that.
When E started boot camp, I had been working part-time, and she'd had a ton of experience using the potty while in diapers. She could go an entire day without wetting a diaper. Our nanny was awesome, and continued the instruction while I was at work, so that by the time we ditched the diapers, she needed only one day of accidents for things to click. She already pooped in the potty independently, so for her, it was a breeze.
With L, I've been working full time for the past year. He gets time on the toilet about 50% of the time when he wakes up dry, and whenever he asks while he's wearing his swim diapers. He stays dry for hours at a time, so he's ready to learn. He is not, however, ready for boot camp. I learned this the painfully hard way.
On day one, we went through 9 changes of clothes, and had two poops, which made me consider tossing his underwear. Thank goodness we have a diaper sprayer.
On day two, we had to leave the house because of E's activities. I reminded him continuously to use the potty, and he was extremely successful. Once we got home, there was more pee and poop, and he had stopped telling me.
On day three, we went to the farmer's market, where there was an accident immediately after we went potty and he didn't perform, and then poop immediately after that. I was not prepared, having forgotten to pack a plastic bag, so we left with two screaming kids (because E didn't want to go home yet), and a very frustrated mama. Paul reminded me that L is not E, and I probably needed to step back and re-evaluate the situation.
On Sunday, we had a couple accidents and a couple successes, and while I didn't want to go back to diapers, I had to finally come to grips with the fact that I was pushing him too quickly and setting him up to fail. So....
On Monday, we went back to diapers. We're going back to the part that I inadvertently skipped, because I saw some signs of readiness, and I felt the pressure to get it done ASAP. I wanted him potty trained by the time I go back to work in July, so we could work on the independence part during my second break in August. However, throwing him into undies like this was putting pressure on him, and he was having trouble getting the pee out, even when his bladder was full. The accident at the farmer's market wasn't because he didn't try. He sat on the toilet, pushing, grunting and trying, but nothing came out. He was so tense and trying too hard. The moment he relaxed, everything flowed.
Now, there's no pressure, no clothes to clean up, no floors to wipe down. Now, I ask him if he needs to go potty, or I tell him we should because we're getting in the car. Now, he goes potty with no trouble, and keeps his diaper dry most of the day. On Monday, he asked to wear undies, and I allowed it. Then he pooped in them. Twice. [palm of hand to forehead] Now he wears undies OVER the diaper, at least for a little while. Until he's really ready.
He gets excited when he's successful, and when his diaper is wet, it's no big deal. That's not the goal right now. The goal is to be successful and feel no pressure to perform and screw up that sweet little developing brain too much. There will be plenty of time to screw that up, and as long as he has good insurance, the therapy bills won't kill him.
Do I still feel pressure to get him potty trained? Oh, yes. I want to get him in undies tomorrow. But I have to wait. While I want to try again next week, I know that's too soon. I really should wait until July. It's going to be difficult, but I need success. He needs to be successful, and we both need to distance ourselves from this episode. Plus, our dryer is broken and it looks like it's going to rain for the next two days, so laundry is out of the question.
The biggest lesson to be learned from this is that even seasoned moms, and moms who have potty trained tons of kids (because that's pretty much 1/2 of my job -- and they have special needs), still make mistakes. In my opinion, it's the seasoned moms like me who make the biggest ones because we are so damn sure of ourselves. Sometimes it takes a couple shit-filled boxer briefs to wipe that smug smile off my face and put me back in my place. Thanks, kid. I needed that.
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